I WILL Find a Cure!

Mothereffer, I am fed up with this eczema crap! I wrote about it a year ago, and nothing has changed. I had a bit of relief while I was pregnant (man, I love being knocked up!), but it's been really bad since Lorelai was born. It's interfering with my typing again which means it's interfering with my internet addiction which means it's time to take care of this BS once and for all.

A few weeks ago, I had a momentary lapse of judgement and let Whitney take a nap in my bed when she REFUSED to sleep in her own. I should have known by her immediate silence that she was up to no good, but my sleep-deprived self chose to believe she was actually conked out. Fast-forward twenty minutes when Whit stumbled out of my room literally covered from head to toe in my steroid cream. I didn't even have the strength to yell. I just cried and said "Whitney, what did you doooo?!" She said "My teddy bear needed some hand cream" and lead me back to my room where I found a stuffed animal saturated in medication and tucked neatly into my bed, which was also white with cream.

I have never been a big fan of medicated lotion, but when my flare ups are really bad, sometimes it's the only thing that keeps the eczema at bay enough to get by. Now, that's not even an option unless I visit my doctor, who is an hour away and who, even though I love her, I hate seeing.

It's time I found an alternative way to deal with my eczema, anyway. I'm tired of doing the same old thing and expecting a different result. I've been researching natural treatments, and my plan is to work through them one-by-one until I find something that actually helps.

First on the block is evening primrose oil (how-to from eHow here). It's easy and I just so happen to have a whole bottle of it in my house left over from my last week of pregnancy when I was taking it to soften my cervix. I'm not convinced it did anything to induce my labour (although, Lorelai did shoot out of my nether regions like a ball from a canon), but maybe it will do something for my hands. I'm going to take 4 grams of it every day for two weeks and see what happens. I'll keep you posted.

Zombie Hands

My hands right now look like rotting zombie hands. 

In fact, my hands look like rotting zombie hands about 98% of the time (just to varying degrees). It has been so long since I've been eczema-free, I don't remember what it's like to have normal, healthy skin. And I'm going to level with you here, guys: I'm just writing this post to complain because I don't think that anyone gets it. My hands itch. They burn. They swell up. They dry out and crack open and bleed. They fill with hydro bubbles (little pimple-like things) that ooze puss and make me wince in pain. And that stuff - the itching, burning, swelling, bleeding, oozing - often happen AT THE SAME TIME! I dread getting my hands wet because it means that I am basically washing away a layer of skin I can't afford to lose. The thought of touching a wet wipe (the kind I use on my daughter EVERY.SINGLE.DAY) makes me weep. 

You don't realize how much you get your hands wet until you try not to do it: every time you go to the bathroom (I rarely use soap anymore - just an FYI. You might not want to shake hands with me), every time you shower, every time you prepare food (before, during and after if it's a big meal), every time you bathe, every time you give your kid a bath or put her on the potty or change her diaper or clean her up after a meal, every time you do a load of laundry, etc. etc. etc., your hands get at least partially wet.

My doctor insists that getting better is a matter of keeping my hands dry as much as possible (i.e. no dishes - really?!), and moisturized. Which is fine and dandy for her to say, but I'd like to see her perform all of the tasks I listed above in a set of rubber gloves (which, by the way, are filled with a powder that I am sensitive to). Now I even shave my legs - hunched over the faucet in my tiny shower stall - wearing a pair of yellow kitchen gloves. You're welcome for that mental image. 

Another thing about rubber gloves: eventually water gets into them. Whether you're doing the dishes or bathing your kid or shaving your damned legs, water finds its way in and the resulting moisture/rubbing against wet rubber is almost worse than getting your hands completely drenched.  

And here's the thing about hand cream! It doesn't matter how much I use it, it's crap. Even the medicated stuff has ceased to work for me. Also, I kind of suspect that it blocks off pores or something and causes those hydro/puss pockets to rise to the surface because it seems like any time I'm on a super moisturizing kick, the bubbles appear.

So yeah. That's where I am - stuck in this horrible cycle of eczema because my normal, everyday life gets in the way of my body's chance to heal itself. And that frustrates and infuriates me. I feel like no one understands how hard it is for me just to get through the day. My hands wake me up at night. It hurts to hold things. It hurts to open anything with a lid. It hurts to pick up my daughter. Even typing this entry is painful. It's constant and never-ending.

Basically what I'm saying here is that I want NEED your pity and understanding. I know at this point, the only thing you're thinking about is how you can avoid touching anything I lay my hands on, but please shower me with your sympathy. I'm practically dying over here.