Sunday, October 16, 2011

Zombie Hands

My hands right now look like rotting zombie hands. 
In fact, my hands look like rotting zombie hands about 98% of the time (just to varying degrees). It has been so long since I've been eczema-free, I don't remember what it's like to have normal, healthy skin. And I'm going to level with you here, guys: I'm just writing this post to complain because I don't think that anyone gets it. My hands itch. They burn. They swell up. They dry out and crack open and bleed. They fill with hydro bubbles (little pimple-like things) that ooze puss and make me wince in pain. And that stuff - the itching, burning, swelling, bleeding, oozing - often happen AT THE SAME TIME! I dread getting my hands wet because it means that I am basically washing away a layer of skin I can't afford to lose. The thought of touching a wet wipe (the kind I use on my daughter EVERY.SINGLE.DAY) makes me weep. 

You don't realize how much you get your hands wet until you try not to do it: every time you go to the bathroom (I rarely use soap anymore - just an FYI. You might not want to shake hands with me), every time you shower, every time you prepare food (before, during and after if it's a big meal), every time you bathe, every time you give your kid a bath or put her on the potty or change her diaper or clean her up after a meal, every time you do a load of laundry, etc. etc. etc., your hands get at least partially wet.

My doctor insists that getting better is a matter of keeping my hands dry as much as possible (i.e. no dishes - really?!), and moisturized. Which is fine and dandy for her to say, but I'd like to see her perform all of the tasks I listed above in a set of rubber gloves (which, by the way, are filled with a powder that I am sensitive to). Now I even shave my legs - hunched over the faucet in my tiny shower stall - wearing a pair of yellow kitchen gloves. You're welcome for that mental image. 

Another thing about rubber gloves: eventually water gets into them. Whether you're doing the dishes or bathing your kid or shaving your damned legs, water finds its way in and the resulting moisture/rubbing against wet rubber is almost worse than getting your hands completely drenched.  

And here's the thing about hand cream! It doesn't matter how much I use it, it's crap. Even the medicated stuff has ceased to work for me. Also, I kind of suspect that it blocks off pores or something and causes those hydro/puss pockets to rise to the surface because it seems like any time I'm on a super moisturizing kick, the bubbles appear.

So yeah. That's where I am - stuck in this horrible cycle of eczema because my normal, everyday life gets in the way of my body's chance to heal itself. And that frustrates and infuriates me. I feel like no one understands how hard it is for me just to get through the day. My hands wake me up at night. It hurts to hold things. It hurts to open anything with a lid. It hurts to pick up my daughter. Even typing this entry is painful. It's constant and never-ending.

Basically what I'm saying here is that I want NEED your pity and understanding. I know at this point, the only thing you're thinking about is how you can avoid touching anything I lay my hands on, but please shower me with your sympathy. I'm practically dying over here.


  1. Hi Miranda! I found your new blog during my Sunday morning blog round-up :) It's been awhile! I had to comment to share a possible solution (okay, that might be over-stated, but at least an aide) to your excema. My mom's friend owns a business where she makes her own creams from natural products and herbs, many of which she grows herself. Her "Healing Cream" is meant for excema and psoriasis. My sister in-law had excema (really bad, all over her arms) and this stuff did the trick. Maybe it will work for you too? You can have the lady make you some extra-strength stuff for especially bad cases. Anyway, thought I'd share the link with you in case you want to try it:

  2. Uhm... maybe "somebody" could help you do dishes once in a while??? I know this one guy named "rumplestiltskin" who will do all kinds of shit for you for a very nominal fee. =D